Some things in life are just that simple.
Feeling anxious is usually not the most fun thing in the world. Unfortunately it is an emotion most of us feel. How we feel it and to what degree, I guess just depends on the person.
As I bare my soul here please don't judge.
In the past I have suffered from depression and anxiety issues. Most I'm told have stemmed from post-pardum depression. But me knowing myself, I think it may have stemmed from the death of my mom. That is kinda besides the point. My problem is I'm trying to find a natural solution to my prominent anxiety and mild depression. It's something that is very hard to admit cause I don't like feeling judged and I don't want everyone shoving their opinions down my throat. I just want a way to make the anxiety pains and sadness go away.
I've been on anti-depressants and they did help, but I was kinda void of all ranges or emotion. I felt somewhat numb. I guess that's better than feeling depressed or anxious but I still didn't feel like me. I don't know how to pin point what triggers my emotions in such a way. I just wish I had more control.
When I was 15, I started going to church and became a "born-again" Christian. Saved. Since then I've been told by other people whats right whats wrong. What I should believe, what I shouldn't believe. ETC...
At this point I know God exist but as I said in a recent blog post, I'm trying to sort out the details for myself. Everyone, EV-ERY-ONE has their own beliefs. They all think that they are the correct ones and that the other people who don't believe like them are wrong. I know God exist because He has done some amazing things in my life. What if it were just that we all have our own understanding of God. And everyone was cool with that. God is love, so why can't we be the same. Why can't things just be that simple?
Well, being the way I was told to believe, being a christian we should have self control. We have no reason to be depressed because we have been saved and are loved by God. What I don't understand, is why we basically aren't allowed to be human. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I'm just jotting down thoughts so I can go back and read them later.
I wish things were just as simple as a cup of tea and slice of toast to make things lovely.
I keep asking myself the same questions over and over again. Am I a bad person just because I don't live the way religious people tell me to? Why can't things be simple and people just love. Am I a bad person cause I sometimes just can't handle my kids? Am I a bad person because its hard to not give up on certain people in my life? Am I a bad person because I long to be happy?
We are human. We are going to struggle. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things. THIS is mine.
2 comments:
This woman works on "love offerings" and has an enormously helpful healing ministry for just the things you speak of. If you feel comfortable. Email her or look her up on facebook. Hope things get better soon!
monterector@gmail.com
http://facebook.com/monte.rector
The bible doesn't tell us not to be human. It tells us to remember that God is in charge. Yes, life is hard, yes there are hurts and disappointments and struggles, but in the end, God is in control, not you. I understand what you're saying and what you're going through, because I have been there, but I have realized that, while life will never be easy, the days are less worrisome and less stressful when I hand over my worries to God, the only one who can take care of it for me. The one who stepped in to save us; the one who left eternity to enter time, and divinity to wrap Himself in humanity. He wants you to be happy, but only He can fill that void in your life to make you completely happy.
I hope everything is ok with you, and I will be praying for peace and strength for you and your family. :D
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